Superbloom: Part 1

August 25th, 2023 - 6:07 pm

I pulled the door closed behind me, breaths caught in my chest- trying to comprehend what had just happened. I started my car. The engine turning over felt more reliable that my current reality, and I sat motionless for a moment. Glancing back towards Russel's house, I could see him standing in the frame of the screen door, wiping tears from his face and watching me. I looked down at the unopened bottle of Cab Sauv and contemplated what to do next. 

I knew this would never work the way we had both hoped that it might. We had spent the spring and summer learning every curve of each other; the depths of our internal monologues left imprinted, like ink to paper. I looked back to meet his gaze once more before putting the car in drive and pulling away from the curve. 

Summer in Greymont was waning and with most of the activities wrapped up for the year, the town was emptying out. Tourists returned home, the summer climbers retreating back to their lives after another season complete. The mountains were turning a dark green, almost brown, as cooler nights reminded us all of the fragility of summer in Wyoming. 

I was in a very strange place in my life. A place where I was still deciding if I wanted to officially leave my husband, Vincent (we had been separated since the early spring), whether or not I wanted to continue to pursue things with Russel, or if it was time for me to be on my own. Looking back, I had no business pursuing anything with another person when I was juggling the possibility of a divorce. 

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Morality and "the right decisions" aside, this is part one of a story about that summer. I hope that you will stay to follow me on this journey. You can judge me, cast your opinions and your "you shoulda"'s, and I will take them all with consideration and appreciation. Back to the story...

Superbloom: Part 2

 February 3, 2023 - 5:12 pm

Vincent arrived home, his white SUV pulling into the space next to mine in the garage. I held my breath, waiting to see what mood I was to expect. He came in, and I asked him how his day went. 
"Fine." He said, getting on his phone to check social media. He was irritated and made it clear that a conversation was off the table. I let it go, and went to take a shower, pondering what Russel had said earlier. 

Something happened that night, like a switch in my brain flipped, and I became disengaged with our life. The months of putting in work with no reciprocation had brought me to the end of my rope. I texted Russel (currently in my phone as Russel GOLS), and was open about how things had gone: 

I think you were right. What if all of this is a waste of time? 

I'm sorry you're having a rough night. Did you want to come over and have a beer?

No, I better not. Thank you for the invite. 

Did you want to talk about it? I'm definitely here for you.

I appreciate it. I just don't want to burden you with my shit. 

It's no burden. Let's get together next weekend. I would say this weekend, but it's a rough one for me. 

That sounds great! Are you okay? 

Yeah, just dad stuff. I'll tell you about it when I see you. 

Superbloom: Part 3

 February 10, 2023 - 11:27 pm

I smiled, feeling the blood rush to my head, my stomach lurching. Russel was leaning in. 

"Yes," I said in almost in a whisper, "you can." 

Our lips brushed lightly at first, and then we were in a full embrace. The kiss felt so right in that moment. We continued to kiss for a few minutes before Frannie came waddling back into the living room, disturbing the fragility of the moment. I pulled back first and looked at Russel. 

"Wow..." he whispered, "I hope that wasn't too forward." 

"No. I don't think it was." I smiled, and stood from the couch. "I should probably be getting home, though."

Russel drove me back to the parking lot where my car was. "So, I'll see you soon then?" He asked, one hand on the steering wheel, the other on my leg. 

"Yeah, just message me and we can plan something." 

"I hope this is okay. I mean, I know your situation and I don't want to interfere." He said.

"I think it's more complicated than that. And I don't know if this is right, but I like how it feels." 

He smiled at me, "Goodnight, Elliot." I stepped out into the winter night and climbed into my car. He continued down the alley and I watched his truck disappear onto First Street before reversing out and heading in the opposite direction. 

I arrived home shortly after, and while a part of me felt guilty (this was an act of infidelity, after all), I was enamored by the idea of Russel. His tenderness, boldness, and kindness had washed over me like a wave soaking parched earth. 

I looked in on Vincent who was asleep, and decided not to wake him. He would only be upset. I pulled a large blanket from the closet and set up camp on the living room couch, where a few minutes later, sleep carried me into the night. 

Superbloom: Part 4

 August 25, 2023 - 5:55 pm

I sat back, looking at Russel, trying to figure out exactly what my feelings were.

"I feel strongly for you. All of this," I waved my arm around in an all-encompassing motion, "has been such a surreal experience." He shook his head. 

"No, Elliot. I mean, how do you really feel about me?" He was starting to tear up now, his bottom lip quivering and he begun to shake a bit. "I feel like there are issues here. I really like you. So much, Russel. But I think we both know this is an uphill battle." I sighed deeply and put my hands in my lap. 

"Okay." Russel said. A moment of silence pressed into the room. Then he took a sharp breath in. "Well, I think I'm in love with you. And I don't know what to do with that." He stood and walked to the kitchen. I followed.