February 10, 2023 - 11:27 pm
I smiled, feeling the blood rush to my head, my stomach lurching. Russel was leaning in.
"Yes," I said in almost in a whisper, "you can."
Our lips brushed lightly at first, and then we were in a full embrace. The kiss felt so right in that moment. We continued to kiss for a few minutes before Frannie came waddling back into the living room, disturbing the fragility of the moment. I pulled back first and looked at Russel.
"Wow..." he whispered, "I hope that wasn't too forward."
"No. I don't think it was." I smiled, and stood from the couch. "I should probably be getting home, though."
Russel drove me back to the parking lot where my car was. "So, I'll see you soon then?" He asked, one hand on the steering wheel, the other on my leg.
"Yeah, just message me and we can plan something."
"I hope this is okay. I mean, I know your situation and I don't want to interfere." He said.
"I think it's more complicated than that. And I don't know if this is right, but I like how it feels."
He smiled at me, "Goodnight, Elliot." I stepped out into the winter night and climbed into my car. He continued down the alley and I watched his truck disappear onto First Street before reversing out and heading in the opposite direction.
I arrived home shortly after, and while a part of me felt guilty (this was an act of infidelity, after all), I was enamored by the idea of Russel. His tenderness, boldness, and kindness had washed over me like a wave soaking parched earth.
I looked in on Vincent who was asleep, and decided not to wake him. He would only be upset. I pulled a large blanket from the closet and set up camp on the living room couch, where a few minutes later, sleep carried me into the night.
I walked in to the Bake Shop and found Russel sitting at a high table near the brick wall in the back. He smile and waved me over. "Well, hi there! I ordered some breakfast burritos. Want to jump in line and get a few drinks?"
"Sure. How are you this morning?" I asked as we walked to the counter.
"Doing great! And I'm spending the day with you, so I can't complain." He winked.
We ordered coffees, and sat back down to eat. "I don't think I have ever actually eaten here." I said through a bite of tortilla and egg. "Mm! Best burritos in town!" Russel said.
We finished up and made our way out to his truck. I sat my small backpack down on the bench seat and he pulled onto Main Street headed out of town.
"Okay, so where are we going?" I asked over an Ark Patrol song playing through the speakers.
"Ash Canyon. Out to the sandstone buttes! It's probably going to be deep snow, but I thought it might be a fun place to hike around and talk. Does that sound alright?" He had a white beanie on that came down to his brow, and his beard was trimmed neatly from the other day.
"Yeah, that sounds great! I haven't been out there since I was a kid." I said, thinking back to a foggy memory of playing on the sandstone in late summer with my mom.
We spent the next few hours walking though snow and climbing the sandstone walls. We learned that we had many things in common, such as our music taste, foods, and activities. Russel was an avid rock climber, and I had never tried it. We decided that, once the winter let up and spring arrived, he would teach me.
We sat on the top of a pillar above the snow, and Russel told me about the last summer he came to Greymont with his father. "We listened to John Denver the whole drive out from Illinois, and I told him that I wanted to live here someday. He always supported me, no matter what my ambition was at any given time." I smiled at him, and squeezed his hand. "He sounds like a really amazing man. I'm glad you have those memories, Russel." He kissed me lightly and we made our way back to the truck- a half hour climb through thigh-high snow (even though the topper was glinting in the sunshine a mere tenth of a mile away).
February 12, 2023 - 2:33 pm
Back in town, Russel parked at his house, and we went up the stairs to the apartment. His roommate, Liss, was still back in Vermont visiting her family. Frannie greeted us eagerly at the door and I cuddled up with her on the couch while Russel put on a pot of coffee.
We sipped at our mugs and watched out the door as another cloudy storm made its way over the Wind River Range. Once the coffee was gone, we made our way to his room and laid on his bed. I remember staring up at the ceiling with my head in the crook of his arm.
"This is nice," he said lazily, "I had a really good time with you today."
"I did too. It was a good day." I said. We fell asleep for a few hours, and I woke up near 5:00 pm to a message from Vincent:
Are you planning on coming home soon, or should I make other plans for the night?
No, I'll be there soon. What did you have in mind?
Nothing in particular. Just wondering where you are.
I looked over to Russel and sighed, "I gotta get back." He smiled and nodded, "I'll take you to your car."
"Hey. What did you want to do tonight?" I asked, shedding my layers.
I was so happy when our other friend, Taylor, was on her way over. I hadn't told her much about what was going on. Taylor and I had been friends since high school, and she had adopted Vincent as another best friend back when things were much better.
She came in through the mud room and took off her boots.
"Fuck it's cold out! What are you all up to?" She took a hit off her vape and unzipped her coat.
"Nothing really," I said, "I'm so glad you're here!" We hugged and went into the living room.
We watched a movie and drank wine, ending the night early for work the next day. All throughout, I thought of Russel, and mentally battled out the possibilities. I wanted things to work with Vincent, but felt myself slipping in a different direction. I selfishly wanted both outcomes, even though I knew that was not logical. I went to bed with Vincent, and tried to hug him. He turned away, and it was just me, alone in the same bed as someone who wasn't really there.
"Well, you're still going," I said, "and I don't want you to think I can't take care of myself."
No comments:
Post a Comment