February 26, 2023 – 7:30 pm
The next few days would be filled with business and a lingering sense of uneasiness as I assessed my life and the decisions I was in the midst of making. I kept myself busy, diving into projects that needed urgent attention, and when I wasn't working, I found myself in good company with friends, both new and old. There was something comforting about having people around me during a time when so much else felt unsettled.
I'd become particularly close with a girl at work named Sage. She invited me to spend the weekend with her. Sage had a daughter, and she was in the process of divorcing her soon-to-be ex-wife, Jade, who was, to put it mildly, a rather unstable presence in her life.
Sage didn't have her daughter that weekend, so we made plans to visit a house on Winbald Creek Road, where a coven of witches she mingled with lived.
I wasn't entirely sure what to expect as I followed her inside. I'd never really been part of anything like that before, and I suppose I carried some preconceived notions about what a gathering of witches might look like. Whatever I had imagined, this wasn't quite it.
The energy inside was surprisingly comforting. There was a warmth to the place that I couldn't quite explain, almost like being wrapped in a soft blanket. I didn't feel like an outsider or someone who needed to prove they belonged there. It was simply welcoming.
"Welcome," Christine said.
There was a kindness about her that I found immediately disarming. Something about her made me feel safe, and I settled into the space more easily than I expected.
We gathered in a circle, making room for everyone who had come. There was something intentional about the arrangement, something that made it feel different from simply sitting around a living room talking. Sage seemed comfortable there, greeting people and moving through the room as though she'd been part of that world forever.
Christine helped guide the circle. There were herbs, candles, and the familiar scent of burning sage in the air. I watched as the others prepared, quietly observing and trying to understand what I had walked into.
The circle began with the cleansing of the space. A bundle of burning sage was passed around, its smoke drifting slowly through the room. I followed along, perhaps a little self-consciously at first, but nobody seemed particularly interested in whether I knew what I was doing. There was no pressure to perform or believe anything. I was simply invited to be present.
As the gathering continued, people began offering blessings and intentions. Some spoke about things they hoped to release, others about what they wanted to welcome into their lives. There was a sense of shared understanding in the room, an acknowledgment that everyone carried something they were trying to work through.
When it was my turn, I wasn't entirely sure what to say.
I had plenty on my mind. My relationship with Vincent was unraveling (effectively over), my living situation was changing, and I was standing at the edge of a life I hadn't quite figured out how to navigate. I wasn't sure what the next few weeks would look like, much less the next few years.
"I guess I'm just trying to figure out what comes next," I said. "There's a lot changing right now."
Christine nodded, listening without interrupting.
"Sometimes we have to make room for something new," she said. "But first, we have to let go of what we're carrying."
It was a simple sentiment, but it stayed with me.
The circle continued with blessings for everyone present. There was something lovely about hearing people offer good wishes to one another without expecting anything in return. By the time it ended, I felt lighter. Not because anything had been solved, but because, for a little while, I hadn't felt alone in the uncertainty.
I left that evening with a sense of peace I hadn't expected to find.
March 1, 2023 – 6:00 pm
Life had continued moving forward, even if I hadn't entirely figured out where I was going.
Russel had returned to town from Louisiana.
I hadn't seen him since he'd left for Mardi Gras, and I was looking forward to seeing him again more than I probably wanted to admit. I met him out front of his house that evening and was greeted with a tight hug and a deep kiss. From there, we went to Murino's for dinner.
As soon as we were settled, he looked across the table at me.
"I missed you, Elliot."
"I missed you too."
He smiled, and for a moment, neither of us said much. It was nice to have him back in front of me instead of being a voice on the other end of a phone.
"So," he said eventually, "how have things been?" He sipped his drink and made eye contact that told me he wasn't just making conversation; he really wanted to know.
"Busy. A lot has happened." I stirred the ice in my cocktail with my straw.
"With Vincent?"
I nodded. "Yeah. With Vincent. With Taylor's house. Just... everything, really."
"How's that going? Are you still staying there?"
"Yeah, for now. It's been a little strange getting used to everything, but it's better than where I was."
"And Vincent?"
I took a breath. "I'm done, Russel. I mean, I think I've been done for a while. I'm just finally doing something about it."
He looked at me for a moment, his expression conveying something between concern and curiosity.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"You're not doing all of this because of me, are you?"
I wasn't surprised by the question, but I could tell it mattered to him.
"No. Russel, that's not why I left."
"I just don't want you making a decision like that because you think there's something waiting for you on the other side. I don't want you to feel like you have to choose between him and me."
"I understand."
"Because I don't want to be the reason your life gets turned upside down."
"You aren't. Things with Vincent were falling apart long before you came along. I didn't leave because of you. I left because I couldn't keep living the way I was living."
He seemed to relax a little and smiled.
"I just wanted to make sure."
"I know. And I appreciate that."
Our food arrived, giving us a moment to shift the conversation. We talked about work, friends, and the usual things, but there was an undercurrent to the evening that neither of us could quite ignore.
"So, how was Louisiana?" I asked.
He laughed. "Mardi Gras. What do you think?"
"I'm asking you."
"It was fun. A little crazy. You know how it is."
"I imagine."
He looked at me, smiling.
"Jen is a wild card. Her family's house is amazing! We booked flights separately, and I beat her back to Greymont by a day. She should be getting home in the morning."
"She sounds like so much fun!" I responded.
"She is. I think she is having a get-together next week; would you want to come?"
"Yeah! I'd love to meet her."
Russel blushed and looked away. "Okay, good, because I kindaaaa told her all about you... I hope that's okay."
I laughed and nodded. "Yeah, that's totally fine."
He let out a chuckle and grabbed my hand.
"Honestly, though, I thought about you a lot while I was gone."
"Really?"
"Yeah. More than I probably should have."
"Why didn't you call more? I was around."
"I wanted to. I just didn't want to blow up your phone while I was away. I figured you had enough going on without me constantly checking in."
"You wouldn't have been bothering me."
"I wasn't sure about that."
"Well, now you know."
He smiled again, and I could feel some of the distance between us disappearing.
"I wasn't sure where things stood," he admitted. "I didn't want to push."
"I don't think you were pushing."
"Good. Because I definitely wanted to talk to you."
There was something about hearing that which made me feel a little giddy. I had spent the past several days trying to sort out my life, and now here I was, sitting across from someone who had apparently been thinking about me just as much as I'd been thinking about him.
We lingered over dinner longer than we probably needed to. Neither of us seemed particularly eager to call it a night.
Eventually, we headed back to his house.
"Do you want to watch a movie?" he asked, turning onto his street.
"Sure. What are we watching?" I didn't really need to think about it. I was excited for a quiet moment with him, even though a bit of guilt still lingered inside me.
"That's a good question. I haven't thought that far ahead." He furrowed his brow as he thought.
"Well, you've had all this time to prepare."
He laughed. "I didn't know I was supposed to be preparing!"
"You invited me over. I assumed there was a plan."
"Apparently, I should have put more thought into this."
We settled in, Frannie in her dog bed next to us, and eventually found something to watch. I got comfortable beside him, and for a while, we actually paid attention to the movie.
At least, I think we did.
There was something different about being at his house that night. Dinner had been easy enough, but now we were alone, without the distraction of a restaurant or the expectation that we'd eventually go our separate ways.
At some point, he turned toward me.
"Are you comfortable?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"Just checking."
We continued watching, but our attention seemed to drift more and more from the screen.
"Did you really miss me?" I asked.
He looked at me. "I already told you I did."
"I know. I just wanted to hear it again." I winked.
He laughed softly. "Yes, Elliot. I missed you."
"I missed you too."
He reached for me, and I moved closer. Whatever uncertainty had existed between us seemed to be giving way to something much simpler, or perhaps far more complex than we realized. We wanted to be together. Neither of us seemed particularly interested in pretending otherwise.
He looked at me, and in a gentle tone, he said, "You're dangerous, Elliot Sharpe."
That was the moment the evening changed. We had started out intending to watch a movie, and before long, the movie had become little more than background noise.
We hadn't planned on having sex that night. At least, that wasn't what either of us had set out to do. But things developed naturally, and eventually, we stopped trying to resist what was happening between us.
It was the first night we spent together.
I stayed at his house that night, and when everything was quiet again, I found myself lying beside him, taking in the fact that this was no longer just flirtation, anticipation, or possibility.
Something had happened between us.
I wasn't entirely sure what it meant for the future, and I certainly didn't have all the answers about the life I was trying to put back together.
But that night, I was exactly where I wanted to be.
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